Nothing in this life is quite as important as our innate worth. We are valued and valuable. We are loved and lovable. We are worthy of compassion and care from others. Relationships shouldn’t be you giving and giving with no receiving. We define ourselves: our passions, our strengths, our goals. Take a few moments to breathe and recognize your value, beloved- we all have so much to offer in this life without sacrificing happiness.
The Issue of Codependency
Codependency is a trap many find themselves in without realizing it. It entails an unhealthy and unbalanced relationship. This relationship could involve a significant other, a friend, or a family member. When someone is codependent, they are addicted to the relationship. They feel guilty putting their needs before this person’s needs. A codependent person feels the unrelenting need to care for someone else while struggling to understand their own identity.
Signs of Codependency
Many don’t realize they are stuck in the grips of co-dependency because it has been a piece of their lives for so long. All too often, codependency originates from childhood- it can stem from overcontrolling parents, abuse, or abandonment, among several other things. By adulthood, many people have lived a co-dependent life so long that it seems normal.
There are many signs of codependency, but here are a few to look out for:
There’s a struggle with boundaries- someone who is co-dependent has difficulty with saying no. They are willing to take on way more than they can handle, no matter the sacrifice of their own needs.
There’s an identity issue- Being codependent takes a toll on self-worth and our view of what we have to bring to the table. A codependent person is identified by their relationship and struggles to know who they are as an individual. Their interests often mold to the interests of their partner. Even their schedule is based on the agenda of their partner. They often view their needs as irrelevant in comparison to the needs of their partner.
There’s an extreme fear of abandonment- As I mentioned before, codependency often originates through childhood experiences. Being abandoned by a parent (or both parents) is sometimes one of those contributing experiences. Either way, a co-dependent individual has an irrational fear of what life would be like without their person. They worry about disapproval and not meeting the expectations of others because, in their mind, it could lead to abandonment.
There’s an emotional struggle- Codependency can cause anxiety and depression. Someone who is co-dependent may be extraordinarily reactive and emotionally unstable. Someone struggling with codependency often confuses control or infatuation with love and devotion. Their concern for their partner far outweighs their partner’s concern for themself.
Let’s Begin Healing
The key to many struggles in our life journey is recognizing the issue. We have to identify what is wrong with the situation before we can truly help ourselves. Look at the signs and meaning behind codependency and decide if you (or someone you love) have taken this path.
Once you can define the problem, you need to visualize an ideal goal. Look at the other relationships in your life: Are they healthy and happy? Does each person in this relationship seem fulfilled? Is their self-worth derived mainly from within and not from the other person? Seek out an attainable relationship goal. What makes these relationships work? How are they different from a codependent relationship?
Finally, the co-dependent person needs to find time for themselves. They need to consider self-care and self-reflection. They need to seek out hobbies and activities because they enjoy them, not because someone else does. We need to always remember our physical, emotional, and spiritual health. This meditation is a great place to start with your healing, or maybe try this affirmation. I also release weekly videos to remind everyone it is always time to embrace joy and take a moment for ourselves.
You Have the Ability
There’s no room for diminishing our self-worth, beloved. Forgive yourself. Do what it takes to repair and rejuvenate your spiritual well-being. We don’t need to rely on others for fulfillment- all that we need for a joyful and balanced life lies within.